Most people live full-time with their parents for 18 years. If you meet the one whom you’re meant to be with before you’re 30 years old, you will hopefully end up spending more than 30 years with them. This means that you’ll be spending more than double the time with your spouse than you spent with your parents.
With such a large amount of time being spent with another person, it’s a given that you are going to clash now and again. Sometimes, however, the fighting gets so bad that one or the other of you may decide to quit your relationship all together.
So how do you save a relationship that seems to be headed down the toilet?
1) Recognize Reality
The first thing you have to do is recognize why you’re fighting. Are you fighting because you’re truly mad at each other, or are you fighting because you’re upset that some jerk at your office accused you of something you didn’t do?
You live together and are friends, of course, so it makes sense that you take out your moods and pent-up emotions on each other.
However, this can cause a lot of problems. Before your anger escalates to the boiling point, stop and figure out exactly why you’re angry. If you’re frustrated about something at work, let your lover know. They are the person you should be able to turn to when things aren’t going the way you want them to.
2) Find the Calm
The calmer you are, the more likely your spouse will be to take you seriously. People are more likely to listen to the words of a calm person than they are to someone who won’t stop ranting and raving.
One way in which you can learn to remain calm is to take up meditation or yoga. Simple breathing techniques that are taught in these disciplines can help you to learn to stay calm, even in the midst of a really difficult argument. When you learn these breathing techniques, you may be able to stave off the argument entirely, which is one way to help save your relationship.
3) Agree to Disagree
No two people are going to agree on everything all of the time. It would be a pretty boring world if we all did! Take the case of one of my male friends. He believes that his daughter shouldn’t have earrings until she is 14, while his wife believes that she should be allowed to have them anytime after the age of four.
This is an argument that threatened to tear them apart. Finally, they both agreed to disagree about the earring situation. He figured out that, when she got older, she would convince him herself. Sometimes you have to put aside your strong feelings and realize that your lover has strong feelings, as well. It’s perfectly all right to agree to disagree!
4) Teamwork
Instead of fighting against each other, come together and work for, or against, something. If you have children, work toward giving them the best life you can give them.
If you’re against something in your town, work toward getting it resolved. If you’re into sports, join a team together. The couple that plays together, stays together!
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